i've been thinking lately about what makes a meaningful life. soon i will be 20 years old, meaning i have experienced more than 25% of my life, assuming i have an average lifespan.
ever since i was a kid, growing up in an indian household, my goals have always been defined. get into a top university, become either an engineer or doctor cause that is where financial stability resides. predictable.
while i don't want to follow that path, i have soon realized that i am exactly on it. i am studying computer science at a top university, trying to get strong internship opportunities. i take a step back and think to myself, is this really what i wanted to do?
maybe it is, maybe it isn't. no matter what i plan to do, i have realized that life is just a rat race. everyone has these short-term goals which lead to long-term ones, but i feel like it's one dopamine hit after another.
right now it might be doing well on the next midterm exam, getting a high gpa, interning at a top tech company, making my own successful startup. while i might achieve some of that, i have soon come to realize that each goal will only bring short-term happiness.
when i was in high school, i thought i would be the happiest when i get a 4.0 gpa, win international awards, get in the newspaper, go to my dream school. i have done all of that, but now i just hunt for more. i want a better internship, want to get into a good master's program. will this really make me happy?
i feel like i am repeating my mistake, so now i think to myself what makes a good life? i asked this question to my intern group. some say it's exploring your passions, others say it's experiencing everything the world has to offer, many say it's making an impact/helping others.
but again, i feel like these are just milestones, just like getting a certain gpa or doing well on a test. you explore x number of places, you help x amount of people, you do x things for your hobby.
so is life meant to be just a checklist, a checklist of personal fulfillment? then isn't a druggie's life as fulfilling or even more fulfilling than the most successful people on earth? they are constantly happy, living in euphoria. isn't that what we all strive for, a happy life?
i think the answer goes beyond that. i've come to the conclusion that life is beyond just milestones and it's in the journey whether that be the struggles or wins.
life isn't defined in happy moments, but we all want a happy life. as i continue, i hope to think more about this juxtaposition.